Monday, October 16, 2017

How to Fail Miserably at Dirty Words and Family (but not at the same time)

Here's a tidbit from the pile of things I forgot about:

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/750768My latest "How to Fail" books are available, and they're free. So you should grab them both. Now!

This series is technically called "Everything I've Done Wrong" and it consists of short ebooks full of essays originally written for the Oh Get a Grip! erotica writers' blog. Each book has a different theme.

How to Fail Miserably at Dirty Words is about writing erotica, taboo smut, and other sex stuff.

You can get it from stores like Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/750768
and
Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/ca/en/ebook/how-to-fail-miserably-at-dirty-words

Enjoy!

https://play.google.com/store/books/details/Giselle_Renarde_How_to_Fail_Miserably_at_Family?id=V885DwAAQBAJ
How to Fail Miserably at Family features a lot of essays about my family of origin, being an adult child of an alcoholic, intergenerational stuff, cycle of violence... it's a little heavy, but it's not exclusively heavy.

If you're the least bit interested in my experiences or you just like reading about other people's crappy childhoods (hey, you're not the only one), this is the Fail book for you.

It's available for free from places like Google Play: https://play.google.com/store/books/details/Giselle_Renarde_How_to_Fail_Miserably_at_Family?id=V885DwAAQBAJ and
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B076F4MJJ1

My Fail books are free for the first two weeks following publication, so don't delay. Grab your copy today! (I rhymed.)

Sunday, October 15, 2017

Friends Become Lovers in this #FREE #Lesbian #Erotic #Romance

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/753253
I couldn’t help but stare. There was just so much to look at.

Innes caught me, of course, and said, “She’s gorgeous, don’t you think?” Following my gaze to the huge cluster of Marilyn Monroe prints hanging over her TV, she went on to say, “If you ask me, she’s the most desirable woman there ever was.”

“Can’t argue with that,” I replied, even though I surely could have.

I could have said, “I know one woman who’s ten times more beautiful than Marilyn Monroe.”

Innes would have looked at me funny and hesitated before asking, “Who?”

Then I’d move in so close she would flinch. I’d wrap my arms around her curvy middle and say, “You, Innes. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on.”

I would kiss her, then—our first kiss, at long last! Whether she'd kiss me back or pull away I really wasn't sure. That's what had held me back all these years. To me, a kiss was a point of no return. From there, either a relationship began or a friendship ended.

If I were to kiss Innes, everything would change. For better or for worse...

*****

A couple weeks ago I uploaded my lesbian erotic romance short "Marilyn in the Middle" to Amazon, told you about it, and assured you it would soon be available from other retailers. Welp, I forgot all about it after that. No, that's not true. I could have sworn I'd uploaded it. But no. I hadn't.

By way of apology for the oversight, I've made "Marilyn in the Middle" FREE at those forgotten retailers. Not forever. One week only, so download your free copy today from...


http://patreon.com/audioerotica

Friday, October 13, 2017

Forbidden Family #Erotica is Seriously #Taboo Smut!

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/750860?ref=GiselleRenardeErotica

Remember Smut Smackdown? Lexi Wood challenged me to write the dirtiest incest sex story possible. Or I challenged her. I don't really remember. Anyway, we wrote three stories each and asked readers to vote on whose stories were filthier.

I don't remember who won. Probably Lexi. Taboo smut is her bread and butter. That said, my stories were pretty damn good. The one that stands out, in my mind, is "Two Complete Strangers" which features a father and daughter meeting for the first time as adults. There's a bicycle trip in there too. And some public sex. Because if you're going to have sex en plein air, it might as well be with a blood relative.

Anyhoozle, all six Smut Smackdown stories are now available in one collection.

Because of a recent crackdown, you won't find this book for sale at many retailers.  You may or may not be aware that Barnes and Noble, a bookseller that used to sell every kind of erotica you can imagine, has cleaned up shop. They used to sell incest smut. Now they don't. So you won't find this there. Or at Amazon. Or pretty much anywhere else you might shop.

You can buy Forbidden Family Erotica from Smashwords and eXcessica Eden. And I hope you will!

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/750860?ref=GiselleRenardeErotica
Forbidden Family Erotica
Six Shocking Sex Stories
Taboo Erotica by Giselle Renarde and Lexi Wood

Daddies and daughters, brothers and sisters, twins, cousins and more! Nobody’s off-limits in this taboo collection of illicit incest erotica. Six sexy stories certain to satisfy!

In this collection you’ll find the following family erotica: Talk Dirty to me, Daddy!, Spying on the Twins, Daddy’s Wet Little Virgin, Two Complete Strangers, The Family Bed, and Taken by Vicky’s Daddy… and Mine!

Buy Now from Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/750860?ref=GiselleRenardeErotica

Or Buy from the Publisher, eXcessica Eden: http://www.excessica.com/eden/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=30&products_id=333&zenid=d9c78c23088f2f2e029055042e1a5940

Sunday, October 1, 2017

Audio #Erotica from My Mouth to Your Ears

I have a bad habit of being overly transparent about everything.

And I have no plans to break that habit today.

Lately, I've been feeling really isolated. I spend less time online than I used to because I can't handle the news. It's overwhelming and it gives me anxiety and nightmares.

But the flip side of not being online as much is that I haven't been maintaining those human connections you get from chatting with your friends on Twitter and all that. I've always been extremely wary of strangers, so I shy away from interacting with anyone I don't know because I get really scared and intimidated.

Sometimes I spend hours on the phone with my sister. I'm amazed she has time to chat with me. She's got such a busy life. But, knowing I'm a big Simpsons fan, she recommended to me a podcast called Four Finger Discount. I came for The Simpsons, but I stayed for the friendly, funny Australian voices in my ears. When I listen in on their conversations, I feel less alone.

Last November (yes, almost a year ago), I bought a new microphone with the intention of recording audio versions of my erotica. Distribution was very tricky for Canadians at that point, so I had this idea of creating little podcasts of erotic fiction. I know I'm not the only person on the planet who feels isolated. This is my way of reaching out. It's not interactive, but that doesn't matter. Having someone's voice in your ear is an act of intimacy. It doesn't matter how much space there is between us.

https://www.patreon.com/audioerotica


It's taken me this long to get my shit together because what else is new? It always takes me this long to get my shit together. But today I am launching my weekly Audio Erotica broadcast via Patreon. Every Friday I'll post one of the many erotic shorts I've written over the years. The ones I've recorded so far range from 8 to 35 minutes.

Audiobooks are so expensive to buy, but I wanted to give everyone access to affordable audio erotica. That's why you can have access to my weekly Audio Erotica for only $1/week. That's $4 per month. Although, to be totally honest, I hope you'll choose to support me with more money than that!


For $5 per month you also get access to a static gallery of "vintage" Giselle Renarde audio. "Vintage" means it's old. The microphone I used was a piece of crap and the production values are awwwwwful. But when I'm a fan of something, I always want inside access to early stuff. So that's what I'm giving you here.

You can elect to pledge a monthly amount in excess of $5, and I would very much appreciate it (trust me, there's a need over here), but those levels don't include any further extras. It's just a way for you to show your appreciation if you've got a little more money to spare.

I'm really excited about this audio endeavour, but without you I'm just a voice in the void. Lend me your ears, will you? Give my words somewhere pleasant to land.



Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Marilyn in the Middle: A Steamy #Lesbian #Romance Short

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075YF6J6Z?tag=dondes-20
My rights recently came back to me on a lesbian erotic romance short that originally appeared in an Evernight anthology called Lover Unexpected: Sappho Edition.

It's called Marilyn in the Middle and if you're wondering if the Marilyn being referred to in the title is in fact Marilyn Monroe, why yes. Yes she is.

For this friends-become-lovers story, I took inspiration from a friend I had in high school. She knew she was a lesbian, but she fought her impulses tooth and nail. She was also mildly obsessed with Marilyn Monroe.

I stole the Marilyn Monroe obsession for this story, but my character Innes isn't fighting her sexuality. If she's fighting against anything, it's love. Her best friend is in love with her and she chooses to kind of... not notice. Because if you notice, you have to act, and if you act it could all go wrong. Right?

Marilyn in the Middle
by Giselle Renarde


Best friends make the best girlfriends…

Jasmine’s in love with her best friend Innes, but Innes is obsessed with Marilyn Monroe! Innes has even decided to dye her hair platinum blonde so she’ll look more like the object of her affection. When Innes asks Jasmine to do the honours, of course she agrees. She’s tired of playing second fiddle to a movie star, but maybe the intimacy of the act will give her the courage to tell her best friend how she really feels.

If this goes badly, Jasmine will lose not only the woman she loves, but her closest friend. But if Innes feels the same way, it could spell Happily Ever After for two best friends.

A steamy lesbian romance short from award-winning author Giselle Renarde.

Buy now from Amazon. Coming soon to more retailers!
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075YF6J6Z?tag=dondes-20

Sunday, September 24, 2017

New Covers for Fail Books

The old covers for my "How to Fail Miserably" series weren't gorgeous. I wanted to imitate the look of business How To books from the 90s... but why imitate looks from the 90s when I can imitate the style of today?

Now even more people will fall into the trap of thinking these are ACTUAL How To books that might possibly help business people in their business endeavours. These books ain't gonna help nobody. That's why they're called "How to Fail Miserably..."

But they'll distract you from life for a while, and possibly put a smile on your face. And the first two are still free, so you've got nothing to lose.

Get your copy now from...
Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/745471
Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/ca/en/ebook/how-to-fail-miserably-at-writing
Google Play: https://play.google.com/store/books/details?id=lXMzDwAAQBAJ

Get your copy now from...
Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/747750
Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/ca/en/ebook/how-to-fail-miserably-at-marketing
Google Play: https://play.google.com/store/books/details?id=xj81DwAAQBAJ

Friday, September 15, 2017

How to Fail Miserably at #Marketing

Last week I told you about a new series I'm releasing every two weeks. If you missed the first installment, it was called How to Fail Miserably at Writing. I know how to fail at EVERYTHING, and I've written extensively about my failures at the Oh Get A Grip! authors' blog.

You can still get How to Fail Miserably at Writing for free, but now you can also get the SECOND book: How to Fail Miserably at Marketing. And guess what? It's free too!

These covers just aren't doing it for me. I'm going to try to set some time aside this weekend to create some better-looking ones. But the contents won't change, so grab your copy now!

https://play.google.com/store/books/details?id=xj81DwAAQBAJ
Giselle’s done everything wrong so you don’t have to!

Giselle Renarde is an award-winning author who’s been failing at everything since 2006. Her erotica and queer fiction have appeared in nearly 200 short story anthologies and published by two of the Big Five publishing house, but don’t let that fool you. Giselle is a writer who knows how to fail—consistently and thoroughly!

In this collection of short musings from the erotic writers’ blog Oh Get a Grip, Giselle treats readers to a veritable smorgasbord of anecdotes about moving forward in the industry one fail at a time. From writing books no one wants to read to resisting tried-and-true marketing methods, Giselle has done everything wrong.

Don't let the publishing industry get you down. Let’s all join hands and fail together!


Get your copy now from...
Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/747750
Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/ca/en/ebook/how-to-fail-miserably-at-marketing
Google Play: https://play.google.com/store/books/details?id=xj81DwAAQBAJ